


That's Why He Stays

by Fandom_Stuff



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Scars, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 02:42:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18327041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_Stuff/pseuds/Fandom_Stuff
Summary: John and Sherlock work through some feelings. John finds Sherlock's scars, Sherlock and John get married.





	That's Why He Stays

John sat up, his head pounding and his heart racing. He rested his head against the wall and let his breathing even out. It was just a dream, just a memory. He sighed and shut his eyes, only to open them again as more images swarmed in his head. He heard Sherlock’s voice, loud and clear as if he were sitting next to John. “That’s what people do don’t they? Leave a note.” John rubbed his eyes as he heard his own voice reply, “Leave a note when?” Sherlock’s voice cracked in his ear, “goodbye John.” John’s breathing was picking up again and he felt his body shudder with cold sweat. He pulled off his blankets and sat up on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. It’s fine. He told himself. Sherlock is fine, he’s alive, he’s downstairs, he’s fine. John stood up, his hands shaking; he got dressed, still shaking and steadied himself as he reached out a hand to open the door. He made his way downstairs to find Sherlock sitting in his chair, his fingers tented under his chin and his eyes shut.

“You’re up early," he commented without opening his eyes.

“Couldn’t sleep,” John replied.

“Nightmares,” Sherlock said airily.

John was silent for a moment then nodded, “yeah.”

Sherlock opened his eyes at this, “do you want to talk about it?”

John’s eyes widened in surprise, “since when do you…never mind.”  
“  
Do you want to talk about it?” Sherlock asked again.  
“Not really,” John replied.

Sherlock stood up, “well if you ever do, I’m here.”

John narrowed his eyes in suspicion, “right, yeah okay.”

Sherlock moved into the kitchen and picked up the kettle, “tea?”

“Um, yeah sure.” John made his way to his chair and sat down, picking up the morning paper as he did so. A few moments later Sherlock returned to the sitting room, two cups of steaming tea in his hands. He handed one to John then sat across from him in his own chair.

“So how are you doing?” Sherlock asked after a moment.  
John took a sip of his tea before replying, “coping I guess.”

Sherlock looked at John, reading him. “I know it’s hard,” Sherlock started.

“Don’t,” John interrupted. “Don’t pretend to understand,” he rubbed his hand over his eyes and sighed. “Just don’t.”

Sherlock didn’t say anything to that, he just sipped his own tea and looked away from John. “Don’t you have an appointment with Ella today?” he asked absentmindedly.

“Yes.”

Sherlock frowned slightly, “lunch again?”

“Yes,” John took a sip from his mug.

Sherlock stood up abruptly, “then we’re going out for breakfast.”

John looked up in surprise, “what?”

“We’re going out to eat John. You need it. To help get your mind off Mary,” Sherlock replied as he swung his coat on over his lanky frame and started putting his blue scarf on, adjusting it around his neck.  
John didn’t move, he almost wanted to laugh. Sherlock thought he was having nightmares about Mary’s death, for once he had got it wrong, it was a rare thing for Sherlock Holmes to be wrong. John stood up, “I appreciate the effort Sherlock but I was going to visit Rosie.”

“Rosie is safe with Molly John. Let Molly take care of her for now, you’ll be back in fit state before you know it. Now come on, breakfast.” Sherlock was already walking towards the door, John sighed and put his coat on, following his best friend out of their flat.

They sat in Angelo’s eating eggs and toast, John was surprised to actually find Sherlock eating. Sherlock sighed, biting back a smile, “oh come on John, eating may be boring but I do know that you have to indulge in the action to survive.”

John rolled his eyes, “I’ve given up trying to figure out how you know everything I’m thinking.”

Sherlock smiled, “you’re my best friend John, I know you well enough to figure out your thought process.”

John returned his smile and picked up his fork. Sherlock was alive, he was sitting right across from him at Angelo’s, he was alive.

****  
“How are you today John?” Ella asked

“Not so bad,” John replied.

“Have you had any more nightmares?”

John inhaled a breath, “yes.”

“The same one?” Ella inquired.

“Yes,” John repeated.

“Have you told him yet?”

John was silent, he felt his eyes begin to water.

“It’s okay John.” Ella consoled.

“No, it’s not,” John said with a sniff. “It’s not okay. It’s never okay.”

“There’s something else going on, tell me," Ella said softly.

John shut his eyes as a tear dripped down his cheek. “Why do I have nightmares about Sherlock’s death, when he’s not even dead? If I’m having nightmares why aren’t I having nightmares about Mary? She was my wife. Shouldn't I be having dreams about her? And my daughter, I was going to see my daughter today but then Sherlock invited me for breakfast and I chose him over my own daughter.”

“John, you told me yourself you weren’t happy with Mary,”

John held up a finger to stop her, “no, don’t go there. I loved Mary, I still do.”

“I never said you didn’t John. But you did cheat on her.”

“Stop,” John shut his eyes again, “It was just texting, that’s all it was.”

“I know,” Ella’s voice was soothing, “but, you also told me you wanted more. John I don’t want this to scare you, but my thoughts on a professional level are that you have feelings for Sherlock Holmes.”

John’s heart skipped a beat and his eyes popped open, “what?”

“You heard me perfectly well John.”  
“I’m not-

“I know,” Ella stopped him before he could say anything else. “But you do love him, don’t you?”

“I…I don’t know,” John replied, he had never really thought about it, but he had at the same time. Ella gave him a kind look and John just seemed to wilt under her gaze, “I guess so. I guess I do yeah.”

“Does he love you?”

“I don’t know,” John replied.

“Why don’t you find out?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s Sherlock,” John replied, “and this is new to me, I’ve never felt, I don’t feel.. I’m not…I’m not gay.”

“John, let me tell you a little known secret, there is such a thing as liking both genders,” Ella replied with a smile. 

“But I don’t-” John broke off.

“John I know this is hard for you,”

“Hard?” John snapped. “You’re bloody right it’s hard, it’s mental!” John stopped, “sorry,” he composed himself. “Sorry.”

 

Ella set her notebook aside, “I think we’ve had enough for today. Take it slow John, we’ll meet again same time next week.”

John wiped his eyes, “okay.” He stood up and left the room, his eyes still moistened with tears. He hailed a cab, “221B Baker Street," he said, swallowing his tears.

“How did it go?” Sherlock asked as he entered the flat. John ignored him and started towards the stairs that led to his room. Sherlock stood up and crossed the room in a few quick strides, reaching John before he could put his foot on the stairs. John felt more tears on the way. “What happened?” Sherlock asked, his tone was serious and filled with concern.

“I don’t know,” John replied as he shut his eyes to let the tears fall.

“No, something happened, tell me John,” Sherlock’s low baritone voice was close to John’s ear; his hand was resting on John’s left arm, a comforting presence. John collapsed into Sherlock’s arms, drinking in his warm comforting scent and letting Sherlock wrap his arms around him, “It’s okay,” Sherlock said. “Tell me in your own time.”

John moved under Sherlock’s arms and their eyes met, “I’ve been having nightmares, but you knew that.”

“Yes,” Sherlock replied cautiously.

“They’re not about Mary,” John said quietly.

“What?” Sherlock asked, his voice raised in shock.

“They’re not about Mary,” John repeated. “They’re about you.”

“Me?” Sherlock’s eyes were doing that thing they always do when he tries to figure something out that he doesn’t already know.

“Yes, about the…about the day you did it,” John replied.

“Did it? Did what?” Sherlock asked, still trying to comprehend what was happening.

“When you jumped,” John said, his voice quivering. “I keep thinking about what my life would have been like if you had actually died. If you hadn’t come back--” John could barely get the words out. “I need you Sherlock. You make my life complete, you bring out the best in me, and I know you thought I hated you, I don’t hate you, I never have and I never will.”

Sherlock’s eyes searched John’s trying to figure out what he was thinking, “what are you saying?” the question was barely a whisper.

“I…I think…” John took a breath, “I think I love you.”

Sherlock stared at John, his mouth slightly open, and his eyes wide in shock. He quickly recomposed himself, “I..I don’t really know what to say John. I’ve never been very good with feelings and emotions, but, somehow, when it comes to you I just…” John was staring at Sherlock, fear hidden behind his eyes as his heart thumped dangerously in his chest, “I love you too.”

John felt the tension release and his shoulders sagged in relief. For a moment they just looked at each other and then Sherlock moved forward ever so slightly, John found himself coming to meet him halfway. Their lips met. Sherlock’s lips were surprisingly soft and gentle, he was careful not to go too far, but John deepened the kiss. Sherlock was pressed against the doorframe and John ran his fingers through his curly hair. Sherlock’s hand was on John’s back, but they moved to his face and he pulled away. John sucked in air as he and Sherlock smiled at each other. Then John laughed, and Sherlock joined in. “How long?” he asked.

“Since I met you,” Sherlock replied. “But I didn’t want to say anything, I knew you hadn’t come to terms with it yet, I knew I just had to wait it out.”

“How did you know I’d come to terms with it?” John asked.

Sherlock smiled, “you saved my life when you hardly knew me, something just clicked between us, I knew it was there, you just needed to see it. In fact you had seen it, but you dismissed it because as ever John, you see but you do not observe.”

John smiled, “git.” He pressed his lips to Sherlock’s again then broke away, "so what now?”

“Well, we have both just confessed our undying love for each other, you’re the expert, what do people usually do after that?” Sherlock asked.

John smiled and took Sherlock’s hand in his own and led him out of the doorway and back into the flat.  
****  
John yawned and rolled over. Sherlock was still asleep and John had a quick moment of confusion. What was Sherlock doing in his bed? He looked around and realized that he was actually in Sherlock’s bed. Then he remembered, their bed, this was their bed now. Sherlock stirred and turned to face John. “Morning," he said in his deep velvety morning voice.

“Morning,” John’s eyes were touched with a smile.

“Did you sleep alright?” Sherlock asked.

“I slept fine,” John replied. “Did you?”

“I don’t think I’ve slept better in my entire life,” Sherlock smiled and kissed John before standing up. As he stood, his shirt slid up revealing part of his back where there were long white scars. John let out an audible gasp. Sherlock turned around, “what?”

“You….was that what…why didn’t you tell me?” John asked, his voice on the cusp of breaking.

“What are you talking about?” Sherlock asked, he sat back down on the bed and took John in his arms, “what’s wrong?”

John pulled away from him, his cheeks wet, “why didn’t you tell me they tortured you?”

Sherlock looked like John had just punched him in the face, “you weren’t—

“You couldn’t keep it from me forever,” John replied. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to know what happened.”

“Why not?” John felt hurt, “why did you keep this from me?”

“John please,” Sherlock pleaded.

“No.” John held up a hand, “this happened when you were disabling Moriarty’s network. They hurt you and you didn’t tell me.” John was fuming.

“I didn’t want you to worry," Sherlock replied softly.

“Worry! Christ Sherlock, you were tortured--” John trailed off, “for me.” He put a hand to his face, “you were tortured to save me, oh my God. I’m sorry Sherlock, I’m so, so sorry. If I had known…”

Sherlock took John into his arms and planted a kiss on his head, “It’s alright. You were what got me through it in the end. Knowing I was going to see you again when it was all over, living at Baker Street with you again, seeing you smile, hearing your laugh. It was all worth it.”

John shook in Sherlock’s arms, “no, but when you came back, when you came to the restaurant, they must have been fresh, and I just…” John stopped again. “Oh God Sherlock I’m sorry! Forgive me!”

Sherlock pulled John away from him and made him look him in the eye. “John, there is nothing for you to be sorry for. You don’t need to ask for my forgiveness, you are always forgiven John.”

John wiped his eyes and sniffed, “Can I see?” he asked, his voice shook with uncertainty.

“If you really want to,” Sherlock replied.

“I do," John said, this time his voice was clear and strong.

“You’re sure?”

John nodded, “yes.” Sherlock stood up and unbuttoned his shirt, then he climbed back onto the bed and rested on his stomach. John’s eyes traveled over Sherlock’s back. Most of the skin was white with scars. Long gashes that could only have been from a whip were crisscrossed across his back. John reached a hand out and touched them tenderly, “does it still hurt?” he asked in a whisper.

“Hardly at all,” Sherlock replied, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow.

John continued looking at the healed gashes, there were knife cuts, stab wounds, burns, and whip thrashes taking up most of Sherlock’s back. John let out a whimper, “I can’t even imagine what you went through.”

Sherlock turned onto his back and sat up to face John, “ sorry, is it too much?” 

John shook his head, “no. I just… I’m sorry.”

Sherlock put a hand on John’s shoulder, “you’ve already expressed your apologies John, and I’ve already told you not to say them.”

“It must have been hell for you,” John said.

“At times, yes,” Sherlock replied. “But it was nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“Don’t you leave me again Sherlock Holmes, do you hear?” John was shaking again, the tears flowing like a waterfall.

Sherlock’s eyes were turning to puddles as well and he took John in his arms again, “I won’t. I promise. So long as you don’t leave me.”

“Never,” John whispered into Sherlock’s ear. John’s lips found their way back to Sherlock’s mouth and then they were kissing again, kissing and crying, tears streaming down their faces and their mouths glued together. Neither one of them wanted to break off first. Finally, they both fell away, drawing in air and wiping away tears. “Breakfast?” John asked.

“Breakfast,” Sherlock smiled.  
****  
“John!” Sherlock called, “John!”

John poked his head out of the kitchen, “what is it, what’s happened!?”

Sherlock nodded towards Rosie, who was trying to stand. Sherlock reached his hands out to steady her, “that’s it," he said encouragingly.

“Oh my God," John gasped. He moved over to stand beside Sherlock just as Rosie got her feet under her. She swayed slightly, but Sherlock put a hand on her back to help her regain her balance. Then she stumbled forward. John was grinning and Sherlock let out a happy little laugh. “Would you look at that,” John murmured. Rosie turned around and toddled over to Sherlock, letting out little giggles of delight. She fell into Sherlock’s arms and he scooped her up, she laughed some more and John felt a laugh explode from his chest as well.

Sherlock turned to face John, with Rosie nestled happily in his arms, “sorry John, I think she chose me.”

John laughed, “so long as she knows that I’m really her father I’m okay with that.”

Sherlock’s smile turned to a frown, “but John, aren’t we both her father.”

John rolled his eyes, “you’re her Godfather Sherlock, but yes I suppose that’s close enough.”

Sherlock set Rosie down then put his hands in his pocket, “that’s not what I meant John.” 

“Then what did you----

John stopped as Sherlock fell to one knee and took a small box from his pocket, “John, I’d like to help you with Rosie, I’d like to always be there for her, and for you, and I feel the best way I can do that is to be in her life and your life permanently. John if you would do me the honor I would very much like to be your husband. Will you marry me?”

John was grinning so broadly his cheeks hurt, “oh God, yes Sherlock. Of course I will. I would love to marry you.”

Sherlock stood up and took John’s hand, carefully he placed the ring on his left hand and kissed him softly. “When can we have the wedding?” he asked.

John laughed, “Whenever you like.” 

“Tomorrow?” Sherlock asked hopefully.

John grinned, “we have to plan the wedding Sherlock, give it a week, we’ll get started right away.”

Sherlock kissed him again, “excellent, I’ve already started the itinerary.”

John picked up Rosie as Sherlock headed into his room, only to emerge a second later with his laptop and another little box. He placed the laptop on his chair then held out the box to John, “what’s this for?”

“It’s my ring,” Sherlock replied as it should have been obvious.

John put Rosie down and took the box, he opened it to find an identical ring nestled in the box, he took it out and grabbed Sherlock’s hand, he placed the ring carefully on Sherlock’s finger and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too," Sherlock replied.  
****  
John gazed into Sherlock’s eyes, his dazzling blue eyes. They held each other’s hands and the priest turned to them, “I understand you have written your own vows.”

“Yes," John and Sherlock replied together.

“Then John Watson, you may start.”

John smiled briefly before beginning, “where do I start?” He sighed and took a breath, “Sherlock Holmes, you have just about changed my life in every way possible. From the moment I first walked into the lab at Bart’s to this moment right here. When you were gone, for those two years, I thought my life was over, everything I had cared for was gone. When you jumped off that building, when I saw your lifeless body, my whole world collapsed. You were always there for me and then suddenly you weren’t. I didn’t know how to cope, I couldn’t cope. Then you came back from the dead and I was instantly revived. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I was so alone, and I owe you so much. Sherlock today I stand before you, ready to become your husband and I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but here you are. I promise, that I will never leave you, I will never forsake you, I will never love anyone but you, I will never let anyone hurt you again, I will protect you with all that I have, whatever it takes to keep you safe, whatever you need from me, I will give you. You are the best and wisest man that I have ever known, and I love you with everything that I have.”

Sherlock was grinning broadly and his eyes held the trace of tears, “John,” he said softly. “I cannot begin to fathom what my life would be like without you. From the beginning it’s always been you John, every time I was on the brink of death, being tortured, taunted, or laughed it, it was your voice in my head, telling me to get up, to hang on, to face the fire. Without you, I would be nothing. I don’t suppose I ever told you that when Mary shot me I was going to die, I was going to give in, but then I thought of you, I thought of the potential danger you might be in, I couldn’t let anything bad happen to you, I had to save you. I couldn’t let death claim me again, I couldn’t leave you again John. I will never leave you ever again, that is a promise. I am so sorry for all the hurt and suffering that I have caused you and I hope that I can make it up to you as your husband and your best friend. John, you are the man that I have always loved, you are what keeps me going, you give me confidence, you show me compassion when I don’t deserve it, you have made me a better man and for that I cannot be more grateful. Today I vow, that I will truly always be there, for you and Rosie, that I will give all I can give, that I will love you with all I have and protect you with much more. I thought I was a man that emotions could never touch, I thought I had isolated myself from all human contact, but then you came into my life and everything changed. You loved me when I thought love was not possible, you touched my heart in the deepest way possible. I thought I had to save you, but really, you saved me. You are the reason that I stand here today, you are the reason I am alive. I love you more than anything John. I told you once that I was married to my work, but that was never really true. Today I will marry you John, the person I have loved since the moment I laid my eyes on you, and I will never let you down John, I vow that for as long as I live.”

John’s face was damp with tears his hands clasped tightly in Sherlock’s. “Oh come here," he said with a laugh. Sherlock smiled and leaned down to press his lips to John’s. They broke apart at the applause and turned to walk down the aisle together, hand in hand.

“Honestly it’s about time,” Lestrade said with a smile. “That was beautiful, really beautiful, what you both said.”

“Every word was true,” Sherlock informed Lestrade.

“I believe it. Now it’s going to be my turn isn’t it. Best man speech and all.”

“You’ll do great Greg,” John reassured him.

“Cheers.” Lestrade clapped John on the shoulder and made his way to the table. Sherlock and John followed him and took their seats.

Everyone gathered around and Greg stood up, “Well, hello everybody,” he said. “First off I just want to say, it’s an honor that these two wonderful men have asked me to be their best man. I cannot be more happy for them. When Sherlock first came into my life I was having a little trouble solving a case-

Sherlock gave a huff, “a little?”

John gave Sherlock a love slap, “behave, let Greg speak.”

Lestrade cleared his throat and continued, “I was having some trouble solving this case and then Sherlock just walked onto the crime scene. He solved it in five minutes then introduced himself as Sherlock Holmes. My life has never been the same since that moment. It seemed I was always out of my depth and this strange man could always set me right. The rest of the force never liked him, but I insisted on bringing him in, letting him have little looks at the crime scenes. They were all pretty mean actually, Sherlock tried to hide that he was hurt by their words but he never really could, not with me. There was always something missing, something off about Sherlock. People thought he was a psychopath, he would correct them, saying he was a sociopath, but he’s not either. He is a good man, with a good heart and John is very lucky to have him. Sherlock was lonely, properly lonely, and then John Watson walked into his life. John sparked something in Sherlock that I had never seen before. He made Sherlock better, he brought out the best in him and his deductions were even more accurate and astonishingly correct. At first I thought John would get hurt, running around with Sherlock, but they matched each other well and they continue to. John’s heart is pure, he would do anything for the people he loves, he’s loyal and caring, but if you get on his bad side you better be able to run fast, and if you hurt Sherlock, then you might not live to see another day.” John gave a little laugh beside Sherlock. “There have been many nights where we’ve all sat up and tried to figure out cases that seem to have no leads, where we’ve gotten drunk beyond any memory, and laughed until we couldn’t breathe. Sherlock and John are lights in the world, lights that should never be burnt out. I promise to both of you, if you ever need anything I will be there for you. You will always have my support and my life has been better for meeting both of you. I am proud to be your friend and you are two of the best people I have ever known. May you be happy together and may you always live with the knowledge that you are loved.” Lestrade raised his glass, “to Sherlock and John.” Chairs squeaked as people stood up and echoed; To Sherlock and John.

Sherlock took John in his arms and led him in the dance. Their eyes never left each other’s and their feet moved in unison. John had never felt more happy, and neither had Sherlock. Everyone watched as they danced, halfway through they switched so that John was leading. When the dance was over Sherlock pulled John closer to him and kissed him, John grinned into the kiss and then everyone else started to come onto the dance floor. John dragged Sherlock into a hug.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you,” Sherlock replied, "more than anything.”  
****  
John came up the stairs of 221B, tired after a day’s work. Sherlock was playing his violin and the melody soothed John as he entered the room. Rosie was sitting in John’s chair, playing with blocks and laughing gleefully as Sherlock played. If Sherlock knew John was there he didn’t show it. John tiptoed over to Rosie, kissed her head, then padded silently to stand behind Sherlock. He put his arms around Sherlock’s midsection and kissed his neck. “That’s a new one," he said.

Sherlock stopped playing immediately and put down his violin and bow, he turned into John’s arms. He gave him a quick kiss, “do you like it?” he asked.

“I love it. I always love your music,” John replied.

“Good, because it’s for you,” Sherlock said.

John looked at the sheet music, the title was simply John. “What did I do to deserve you Sherlock?” he asked.

Sherlock smiled, “what did I do to deserve you John?”

“Everything," John replied.

“Everything,” Sherlock agreed.

“Dadda,” Rosie let out a squeak. Sherlock and John turned to see Rosie staring at them, “Dadda’s," she elaborated. 

Sherlock and John smiled. "That’s right Rosie,” John said as he moved over to pick her up. Sherlock joined him and put his arm around John, drawing him into a hug with Rosie in the middle.

“One big happy family,” Sherlock said, he kissed Rosie on the cheek, then turned to John and their lips met. Rosie let out a squeal of delight and when John and Sherlock broke away she was smiling at  
them.

“One big happy family,” John agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to leave this note because I felt the need to say: Wow. I can not believe how many hits this fic has gotten. 600+ hits may not seem like that much compared to other fics, but to me it's a lot.  
> I've been writing fanfiction for years but I'd never shared any of my works online because I didn't think they were good enough; but then I decided to take a chance and get on Archive Of Our Own. Now, my work is being read and people are responding to it and it's amazing. I never expected any of that, I thought I was just a mediocre writer that some people might read if they were bored enough, but ya'll actually like my work, it's crazy! So, if you're reading this, thank you.


End file.
